penis addiction

my eyes are grey.

the skin around them is grey.

it's a symptom of the change.

Symptomatically obsessed with

a disease of sorts...

my mind feels dull, motionless,

But peaceful.

blissful.

content.

stable.

there’s a familiar invisible prickling under my skin, inside my cells.

Cassie looks bitter, and I know what she wants.

I want to be a boy.

sometimes it’s just a quiet hum in the background,

(unless Distress is triggered, which feels awful),

but other times it’s like a solid fucking brick inside my brain that is just

M a l e

sometimes it manifests in strange soup with blood in my dreams.

it manifests in adult ways.

it’s heterosexuality turned inwards.

I am attracted to males, but I also have a deep desire to embody the cross-sex.

it’s like there’s a poison inside me, turning me away from everything female

and making me feel a heavy, incredibly potent and powerful

surge of masculine energy,

a whimsical home in certain masculine things.

supposedly it’s poison,

or a lethal drug

and I think that it might be,

but then again

it’s really

fucking

saving me.